My boobs were quite big for my age. I had wide-ish hips and what most people would describe as a nice figure as a very young girl. I also had an older sister, one who was (and still is, of course) beautiful, smart and popular.
The sequence of events described above were the exact tools that sent the health of my mind coasting far beyond the confines of sanity.
My life started of okay, I was content and happy, thriving in my own way and then all of a sudden the existence of other humans became glaring to me. You mean another person’s opinion of my hairstyle or outfit choice actually mattered? You mean the boys around me actually got to decide if I was good-looking or not?
At some point, I started to allow comparison to be the driving force behind my decision making. I only felt good if words of affirmation and validation were echoed as soon as I stepped into a room. I felt like I needed the ‘you look so pretty, you’re finer than X or nicer than Y to attain a certain level of self-assurance and confidence.
I felt like my mind was so easily swayed by the thoughts and words of other people. It felt like my identity was being left in the intangible hands of ordinary men?
Why didn’t I know who I was?
I didn’t know it then but I was mentally unwell. My unhealthy mind was fighting my heart and destiny. I felt like there was a huge wall between who I thought I was and who God SAYS I am. I couldn’t see past the heartbreak, the loneliness, the very deep need to be loved and respected. I tried to fight it by living other people’s truths and by looking for people who tolerated (not understood) me.
In short, Insecurity and low-self esteem were the two mind afflictions that nearly drove my mental health to ruins.
And then I found LIGHT.
I found Jesus, my everything. My heart and beyond. He unravelled all the layers of old and made me new. He spoke to me about me. He shared the greatness of my life with me. He told me the truth about me, FINALLY!
Anyone who knows me knows that there’s a stark difference between who I was and who I am now. The difference is JESUS CHRIST and my faith in Him. The difference is in my Identity. I am who He says I am and I do not, for one second waver in that Identity.
I write all of this to get to this point; It’s easy to live your life in complete ignorance of what you have access to, that is peace, love, joy and a SOUND mind (2 Timothy 1 vs 7); So don’t. Acknowledge your gifts, they are your birth rights; Peace, contentment, feeling beautiful - These things are your, claim them.
I was in a battle with Insecurity and low-self esteem and my weapon of choice was, is and will always be JESUS CHRIST.
How about you?